WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
