i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
