Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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