1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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