Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
