Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
