He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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