Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
