drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
