Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
