people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
