the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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