He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
