She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
