I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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