i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
