Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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