dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
