Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
