We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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