Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
