when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
