I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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