he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
