A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
