I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
