I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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