it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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