It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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