We're facebook friends in real life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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