one might say we're banned from that church
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
