Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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