I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
