Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
