Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
