i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
