Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?