How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.