who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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