I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.