i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
