New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
