At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
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Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity