i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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