Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
