How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
