i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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