i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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