My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
