She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
