Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't turn off my feet"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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