When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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