i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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