I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
