At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We are two peas in an std pod
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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