ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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