Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
