Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
