I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
