Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
