I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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