Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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