If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
