I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
