it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
