You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
