im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
