3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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