Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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