i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
