my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
