I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
did i just pee glitter
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
