Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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