Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
