well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
